You know, just when things are going good, the enemy really throws one at you. I am so sad today. I can’t remember the last time I was this sad. I’m thinking probably the day that our step-son moved away probably 10 years ago or so. I can seriously remember just crying and crying and crying. I wondered how I could cry anymore tears. Well, the last couple of days has brought those same feelings out. It’s been no fun revisiting those feeling just so you know.
I can’t go into details, but it’s been the worst few days of my life. My tears fall reminding me I have a deep, deep love for my children. I know we get upset with them, we tire of correcting them, and most of all, we just want them to grow up. I was driving my daughter to church last night, remembering all of the times over the many years I have driven my kids to Wednesday Kids Club and Friday night group. I looked at some of these small kids running around and at that point, wishing, just wishingggggggggg my kids were that young again. How respectful and full of unconditional love they carried. As they grow up, stretch within the boundaries set and try to find their place, they sometimes do not understand why they do the things they do, or even say the things they say. It saddens me that they have to learn life just as we did. I look back and wonder if I put my own mother through such heartache. I love my kids and I feel I have been the best Mom that God has called me to be. Am I perfect, no, but I could die tomorrow knowing I did my best and God was pleased.
I do want to thank my sister for being there for me, praying with me, and just comforting me even when she said that “It’s time to put my Big Girl Panties On!!!” I laughed so hard! ((((Thanks Robin))))) for always knowing just what to say. Then there’s my friend Robin. She’s a ” been there, done that ” kindof gal and really understands what I”m going through and helps me see that there is hope and someday my kids will look back and say “Thanks Mom!” even though it seems so bleak right now.
I am praying that God will bring victory and glory out of something the enemy meant for harm. I mean honestly, isn’t that the way the Lord works? I am so encouraged!
With this said, Good Night all!~ Tomorrow will bring me another day closer to healing! 🙁
PS: It’s ironic thtat instead of a physical heart problem, it’s more emotional right now. Very different feeling indeed!