February 13th, 2010 by Kacy
You know, just when things are going good, the enemy really throws one at you. I am so sad today. I can’t remember the last time I was this sad. I’m thinking probably the day that our step-son moved away probably 10 years ago or so. I can seriously remember just crying and crying and crying. I wondered how I could cry anymore tears. Well, the last couple of days has brought those same feelings out. It’s been no fun revisiting those feeling just so you know.
I can’t go into details, but it’s been the worst few days of my life. My tears fall reminding me I have a deep, deep love for my children. I know we get upset with them, we tire of correcting them, and most of all, we just want them to grow up. I was driving my daughter to church last night, remembering all of the times over the many years I have driven my kids to Wednesday Kids Club and Friday night group. I looked at some of these small kids running around and at that point, wishing, just wishingggggggggg my kids were that young again. How respectful and full of unconditional love they carried. As they grow up, stretch within the boundaries set and try to find their place, they sometimes do not understand why they do the things they do, or even say the things they say. It saddens me that they have to learn life just as we did. I look back and wonder if I put my own mother through such heartache. I love my kids and I feel I have been the best Mom that God has called me to be. Am I perfect, no, but I could die tomorrow knowing I did my best and God was pleased.
I do want to thank my sister for being there for me, praying with me, and just comforting me even when she said that “It’s time to put my Big Girl Panties On!!!” I laughed so hard! ((((Thanks Robin))))) for always knowing just what to say. Then there’s my friend Robin. She’s a ” been there, done that “ kindof gal and really understands what I”m going through and helps me see that there is hope and someday my kids will look back and say “Thanks Mom!” even though it seems so bleak right now.
I am praying that God will bring victory and glory out of something the enemy meant for harm. I mean honestly, isn’t that the way the Lord works? I am so encouraged!
With this said, Good Night all!~ Tomorrow will bring me another day closer to healing! 
K~
PS: It’s ironic thtat instead of a physical heart problem, it’s more emotional right now. Very different feeling indeed!
January 15th, 2010 by Kacy
I am so glad it’s Friday and my 4 day weekend. We also get a day off from homeschooling on Monday for the holiday.
I wanted to share here how God changed an attitude in me. I know it’s only been 15 days into the new year, but I prayed that God would change my attitude regarding laundry. Well, so far, He has. I actually can’t wait until Friday’s to get started on the laundry. And because I”m keeping up with it so well, I usually only have 3-4 loads for the entire weekend. EASY! I can’t tell you the feeling of knowing my laundry is caught up and there’s not Mt. Rushmore in the garage. I guess after having such a hard year last year with my heart condition and breaking my ankle, things did get a little behind. Rich did so much but when you are running an entire household on your own, it’s virtually impossible to keep everything up.
I asked my class yesterday, “Can you believe that January is 1/2 over?” We all just sat there in awe! It just can’t be! But it is. That just makes me realize that we HAVE to make the most of each day and really soak in what the Lord has for us that day. If we don’t, we miss out. One of the things I really want to concentrate on this year is my friendships with others. I know last year was not the best for me and I probably didn’t feed and water some friendships like I should have. But what I’m finding, is that those friends that stuck with me all the way until now, are the friends I want in my life forever. Those are the ones that don’t let petty things get in the way of how they feel about you and their relationship with you. They are the ones that WANT to work things out, aren’t afraid to tell you the truth, and in the end are still there, emailing you everyday, texting you, and well, genuinelly wanting to know how you are doing. Those friends never gave up on me when I couldn’t think about anything or anyone else in my life except my heart issues. To THEM….I appreciate you! I love you and you know who you are! My prayer is that as I heal that I will be the one to spoil you, love on you, and nuture the friendship we have. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me ENDURE!
PS: Prayers and thoughts go out to the Haitian people and the tragedy they are going through!
December 24th, 2009 by Kacy
Today marks the one month anniversary of my heart surgery. I am not really sure why I haven’t posted in so long, it honestly just hasn’t crossed my mind.
Here’s the update. The first two weeks after my heart surgery were pretty up and down. They had warned me that I would still have problems due to the fact that they had aggravated the heart so much. According to the doctor, the scar tissue has to build up around the areas they burned around the heart. Supposidly they couldn’t get to three areas in the heart. Two of those areas were too close to my esophagus and one area was too close to my diaphragm which could cause that to be paralyzed. Very risky~! Other than that, they burned all of the areas on the left and right side of the heart. I really underestimated the healing it would take from this surgery. As a matter of fact, I was scolded by my nurse/doctor that I went back to work too early and haven’t sufficiently given myself time to heal. I would have to agree. All the episodes that have been happening bring back horrible memories of me having problems and not being able to control it.
But, I have good news. Since school let out last week, I haven’t had any problems in the last 4 days. What does this mean? I am not really sure, and I have my theories. One theory would be that I am finally starting to heal. That would be my my most sought out theory. But then there’s the theory that maybe, just maybe that school is having a huge impact on myhealth and my body is not handling the stress that comes with teaching. Honestly, I don’t consider it a stress-filled job because it’s something I love doing and something that God has opened the door for. But I guess my body does think it’s stressful and handles it in a negative way (my heart). It just seems strange to me that the problems I have the most are during the week when I’m at school or on Friday from all the stress taht built up. This pattern is one I’ve been living with all year. And now that I’m on Christmas Vacation and have 2 weeks to have a stress-free life, I’m am doing so well. Not one heart issue this week. For me, this is huge!!!!!!!!!
As I reflect back on this year, it was a tough Health year. First breaking my ankle and secondary, dealing with all of my heart issues. At times it was more than I could bear. But God saw me through every step! He taught me so many things along the way too. I would haven’t have traded this year for any other as when we are placed in these circumstances, we grow tremendously! I’m really praying that 2010 holds a much better year for my family and I.
Merry Christmas my friends! As really, the Merry in Merry Christmas wouldn’t be possible with out Jesus! Thank you Jesus for bringing my family and I through a difficult 2009 and praying for a new year with new beginnings of growth wth my family.
((BLESSINGS))
Kacy
